Southwest Division Newsletter: The Green Jack | Client: The Southwest Division Lawn Bowling Association
Job: Design, write, and produce the division's quarterly newsletter, "The Green Jack."
The Southwest Division Lawn Bowling Association is the largest lawn bowling division in the United States, overseeing some 50 clubs and the tournament schedule. The Green Jack is the division's voice, seeking to reach out to and reflect the interests of its eclectic membership.
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California Retired Teachers' Newsletter | Client: California Retired Teachers Assocation
Job: Design, layout, and edit text for bi-monthly newsletter, "CRTA Communique."
The California Retired Teachers Association is a very active group of retirees that works to ensure that retired teachers have adequate benefits once they retire. It is also a social group, gathering every other month for a luncheon, entertainment, and business discussion. The newsletter, the CRTA Communique, is designed to keep the membership informed on the organization's political activities as well as local news. It also contains hummor pieces, poetry, and inspirational quotes.
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| Helford Hospital - City of Hope |
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Client: City of Hope Medical Center
Job: Newsletter describing the new Helford Hospital to potential patients
It Pays to Hope
At City of Hope (COH) our dreams are as big as our hope, so when we set out to build a one-of-a-kind research hospital our wish list was long and comprehensive. It included everything from state-of-the-art research facilities, incorporating the latest medical and communication technologies, to patient-centered rooms capable of providing the finest medical care in a nurturing environment. Fortunately COH is supported and sustained by a worldwide community of individuals and organizations that not only shared our dreams, but knew how to go about realizing them as well.
The result of our collective efforts is the new Helford Clinical Research Hospital, one of the most aesthetically pleasing and technologically advanced medical facilities in the world. Scheduled to open its doors in December of 2004, Helford Hospital encompasses 350,000 square feet and is six stories tall with bold, clean lines set against the blue Southern California skies and snow-capped San Bernardino mountains.
Within the hospital every effort has been made to create an atmosphere that is both warmly welcoming and conducive to healing. Soft pastel colors, high ceilings and large expanses of window space invite natural light into all parts of the facility. Likewise, all patient rooms have 12-foot tall windows with panoramic views, and there are artistically landscaped “pocket” gardens on each floor for viewing pleasure. But perhaps the most remarkable thing about the new Helford facility is that every element – from the light fixtures to the medical equipment– has been chosen with our patients’ special needs in mind. Just take a look at some of the remarkable features that make Helford a world-class facility:
Surgical Super Suites
From the start Helford hospital was designed to set the standard in medical care, and our six surgical “super suites” are the perfect example of how this has been achieved. In addition to incorporating the latest, cutting edge equipment, such as robotic and laparoscoipc devices, state-of-the-art information and video systems have been installed. These allow surgeons to consult in real time with other surgeons, pathologists, and radiologists working outside the operating room. The suites have also been set up to maximize floor space and make important equipment easy to access by suspending lighting, anesthesia, and other devices from the ceiling.
Patient-Focused Care
A great deal of research and care has gone into ensuring that the new Helford hospital meets the physical needs of our patients, many of whom have temporarily compromised immune systems. For example, antimicrobial steel has been used in the ductwork to reduce the risk of infection, and a special air control and filtration system, which changes the air 15 times an hour (surpassing federal standards by 50 percent), has been installed to filter viruses and bacteria away from patients. In addition, each patient room has an infection control alcove located just outside the door so that clinicians have access to clean gowns, gloves and sterile equipment, and can wash their hands before entering the room.
Two other aspects of patient care that were addressed in the creation of Helford were patient privacy and noise reduction. By choosing fabrics and furnishings designed to buffer noise and adding patient corridors that are separate from those used by the public and staff, noise was reduced and patient privacy ensured. Installing windows with frosted glass and window shades in patient rooms increased privacy as well.
Comprehensive Care
Though City of Hope specializes in the diagnosis and treatment of physical disease, we are acutely aware of the role that mind and spirit play in the healing process. That’s why we’ve gone out of our way to make the natural world available to our patients by incorporating large windows and mini-gardens throughout the facility. Helford also features a non-denominational chapel and meditation room for prayer and reflection, and a special playroom, teen room, and library for our younger patients.
Finally, to help patients overcome the sense of isolation that often accompanies a hospital stay, the floor plans were designed so that no room is more than 13 feet from a nursing station. This not only makes it easier for nursing staff to monitor patients, but lets patients know that a friendly face is always close as well.
Message from the Chief Executive Officer
Charged as we are at City of Hope with the task of making hope a reality for those who are battling life-threatening diseases, it’s always a pleasure to have another success story to share. This time the story involves literally hundreds of talented people working in fields as diverse as architectural engineering, biomedical research, and surgical supply. Many years were required for the story to unfold, and a great deal of financial support and careful planning were required to ensure that it would have a happy ending. Therefore, it’s with great pride and pleasure that I introduce you to City of Hope’s Helford Clinical Research Hospital.
The Helford Hospital embodies everything that City of Hope has stood for since its inception in 19XX. It combines state-of-the art medical care with cutting edge research, and has been designed to nourish the minds, bodies, and souls of our patients, rather than just their diseases. Helford encompasses 350,000 square feet, stands six stories tall, and care for up to 144 patients. Rooms are large and equipped to handle the specific needs of those with compromised immune systems. In addition, the facility is family friendly, with special accommodations for loved ones who wish to be part of the healing process.
It is our belief that Helford Hospital is a one-of-a-kind facility that will continue to carry our message of hope to the world while making significant contributions to the understanding and treatment of cancer, diabetes, and other serious diseases.
- President and Chief Executive Officer Michael A. Friedman, MD
Family-Centered Care
It goes without saying that having family and friends close at hand is crucial to the healing process, so Helford was designed to accommodate each patient’s support network as well. All rooms are spacious enough for several people to visit at once, and most are equipped with a comfortable sleeper chair for overnight visits. VIP suites have family lounges attached, which include small kitchens, entertainment centers, libraries, and foldout beds.
On the pediatrics floor the cheerful Family Center, with its homey décor, offers families a place to relax, with a small library, food preparation center, and entertainment stations. Here young children can romp and play without disturbing patients, and family members can spend quality time with one another without leaving the facility.
Robotic Technology Improves Speed and Efficiency
When most people hear the word “robot” images of R2D2 and C3PO from Star Wars come to mind, but at City of Hope robots of a very different kind are being used in surgery to reduce blood loss, improve visibility, and shorten recovery times. Referred to as “robotic-assisted surgical systems,” these robots hold and manipulate instruments for doctors who control the movements of the robot from a console a few feet away. The robots’ flexibility (robotic arms can rotate a full 360 degrees) and ability to make minute and very precise motions means that surgeons can work in much smaller areas and avoid delicate nerves and muscles much more easily during procedures.
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Client: The Nature of Writing
Job: Design and produce monthly newsletter for online school for journalists
The Nature of Writing offers classes in food, nature, memoir, and adventure writing to students around the world. The newsletter is designed to feature the work of new and emerging writers working in those fields and to offer information that is entertaining and helpful to writers. |
The Nature of Writing Newsletter |
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Client: Write from the Start
Job: Produce monthly newsletter about the nuts and bolts of writing
Writing Tips and Tricks for Busy Professionals
"The writing process is akin to any process of creation - there is pleasure in the conception and much discomfort in the growth." - John A. Murray
Saturday, March 1, 2003
Aloha,
March is here and the whales are singing their hearts out off the coast of Maui. You have only to put your head in the water to be surrounded by their moans, burps, squeaks, and whistles. The water literally trembles with the force of their voices, and the realization that they are composing actual songs out there (creating patterns, repeating notes, using refrains and all the other elements that define a song) makes the whole experience even more meaningful and impressive.
A few evenings ago, as I was heading back towards shore after my daily swim, an elderly gentleman wearing a hot pink mask and snorkel with bright yellow fins puttered directly up to me. At first I was a little annoyed. I mean really, isn't the ocean big enough that we can swim without crashing into one another? Then I realized he was deliberately headed my way. When he got within a few feet of me, he stopped, pulled the mask off his face and puffed, "Can you hear them?! Did you hear them?! The whales are singing!" The look on his face (wide eyes and a goofy, almost intoxicated grin) made it clear that he was genuinely thrilled to be sharing this news with me. "If you put your head in the water you can hear them," he added. I didn't have the heart to tell him I've been listening to the whales for weeks.
"Hey that's great," I said. "Thanks for telling me."
"Welcome. Just thought you'd like to know," he said. I had to laugh. Only in Hawaii.
This month I have quite an eclectic mix of information, tips, and anecdotes to share with you. You'll notice that I have added a section about my online classes in which I'll be sharing some of what the class is working on. Hopefully this will inspire those of you who have been wanting to get back into writing to consider joining us. In addition, I'll be keeping you posted on upcoming classes, offering helpful hints for copywriters and freelancers, answering questions, and discussing business writing tips and tricks.
If there's anything you'd like me to talk about specifically in future newsletters, be sure to drop me a line at: info@writefromthestart.net. We'd love to hear from you.
All the Best and A Hui Hou!
Jena
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TABLE OF CONTENTS
* Aloha
* Business Writing Tips and Tricks: Get to Know Your Reader
* From the Trenches: Peering Into the Swamp
* The Copywriter's Corner: Putting AIDA to Work in Your Copy
* On the Horizon: A Literary Feast
* That's a Good Question!
* The Freelance Life: Get a Contract
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Business Writing Tips and Tricks: Get to Know Your Reader
In the past few editions of Business Writing Tips and Tricks, we've talked about very specific dos and don'ts. Do be concise. Don't use slang. Do use words that are easy to understand. Avoid cliches and long-winded phrases. Today, however, I'd like to talk more generally about the reader. That's right, the person at the receiving end of your document. Here are some things to keep in mind as you are writing:
KEEP IT CONVERSATIONAL
In business, written communication often replaces face-to-face meetings and phone calls. For that reason it's important that you keep your writing conversational (unless it's a technical or legal document which requires specific formats and language). By conversational I mean writing that reads like good speech. I want to emphasize the word "good" here because the spoken language can be full of rambling sentences, half-finished thoughts, and grammatical faux pas. Writing conversationally doesn't mean abandoning all rules of organization, grammar, punctuation, and spelling. It means using a tone that is friendly and choosing words and phrases that are commonly used in daily speech. Many of us, perhaps as a result of our formal training in school, immediately start to use unfamiliar words and artificially formal phrases when we sit down to write. There is a general perception that this kind of writing is more "professional," or "impressive," but in reality it tends to create an artificial distance between you and your reader. Here are some examples:
Formal: In order to expedite the process of opening an account with our establishment, all of the enclosed documents must be completed in accordance with the instructions provided and returned to this office in a timely fashion.
Conversational: Please fill out and return the forms we've enclosed at your earliest convenience so we can start the process of opening your account.
Formal: In light of the fact that the board has conducted a thorough investigation of the parking situation, all employees will be required to register their motor vehicles with Security, whereupon they will be issued parking permits and a copy of the parking lot regulations.
Conversational: After studying the parking problem, the board has decided to issue parking permits to all employees who want to use the company lots. To get your permit, and a copy of the rules, stop by Security and fill out the vehicle registration form.
KEEP IT SIMPLE
Busy business people scan documents looking for key words and phrases, and tend to reduce complex sentences to their most basic meaning. Thus "in consideration of the fact" becomes simply "because," and "prior to" is "before." You will save your reader a lot of time and frustration if you keep your own writing simple so that he or she doesn't have to do much reduction.
KEEP IT FUNCTIONAL
Unlike literature, which explores the use of complex words, complex ideas, and unusual analogies, business writing is meant to be functional. Readers of business documents aren't reading for pleasure, but to get the information they need to get their jobs done. Functional means:
1. Use standard English, as opposed to formal phrases, jargon, or slang.
2. Write concisely
3. Use words everyone can understand without having to resort to a dictionary
4. Get to the point. Don't bury the reason you are writing under paragraphs of explanation or background data. In general the point of the document should be stated somewhere in the first paragraph.
KEEP COMPLEXITY OUT OF THE WRITING
The only complexity a reader should have to deal with is the complexity inherent in the subject of the document. For example, a report discussing the breakdown of internal communication during a nuclear attack drill might include a lot of complicated graphs, technical terms, and details about procedures. However, in all cases this information should be presented as simply and clearly as possible. Don't make the writing itself hard to follow by creating long, complex sentences or using vague, difficult to interpret statements.
WORK TO BE ACCURATE AS WELL AS CLEAR
Interestingly, a sentence can be clearly written but still not convey the writer's intent. Make sure that what you have written is not only clearly stated, but accurately reflects what you wanted to convey.
DON'T GIVE THE READER A CHANCE TO MISUNDERSTAND
It is a well known fact that given any ambiguity readers will misinterpret the writer's meaning. Consider this statement:
"All of those comments are not meaningful .
The meaning the writer intended was that some of the comments are meaningful, but what the reader believed the writer was saying was that none of the comments are meaningful. Needless to say, it pays to be precise.
REMEMBER IT'S THE READER'S UNDERSTANDING THAT COUNTS NOT THE DICTIONARY'S
This final tidbit of advice comes from Richard Lauchman who points out that it won't matter if you used the correct dictionary meaning of a word if readers still misunderstand you. The example he uses to illustrate how meanings can go awry is the following memo:
"Beginning January 1, cost analyses must be filed bimonthly, rather than monthly."
Seems like a fairly straightforward sentence until you realize that while the writer understood "bimonthly" to mean "every two months," several of the people to whom he sent the memo believed it meant "twice a month." As a result, on January 15th. tons of cost analyses started to arrive on his desk. Stunned, he looked "bimonthly" up in the dictionary and discovered that while his definition was listed first, there was a second definition listed as well. It stated that bimonthly could mean twice a month. The moral of the story, as Lauchman puts it is, "Knowing what the dictionary says is handy, but knowing how the reader understands a word is essential."
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FROM THE TRENCHES: Peering into the swamp
My nature writing class began without a hitch, or so I thought until two of my students up and left the country three days after the first lesson was posted. They have promised to return (no bribes were involved), and one has been bravely tackling a European keyboard to post updates from Switzerland. No one can say nature writers aren't tenacious.
More on nature writing and my two escapees in the next edition, but in the meantime, here's something to think about. Henry David Thoreau, the 19th. century American writer and philosopher best known for his book, Walden, wrote the following:
"Life consists with wildness. The most alive is the wildest. Not yet subdued to man, its presence refreshes him...Hope and the future for me are not in lawns and cultivated fields, not in towns and cities, but in the impervious and quaking swamps...I derive more of my subsistence from the swamps which surround my native town than from the cultivated gardens in the village...Yes, though you may think me perverse, if it were proposed to me to dwell in the neighborhood of the most beautiful garden that ever human art contrived, or else a Dismal Swamp, I should certainly decide for the swamp."
What do you think Thoreau meant when he said, "Life consists with wildness?" Why would he say "consists with," as opposed to "consists of?" Do you agree that those things which are wildest are the most alive? What do you think is the attraction of the swamp for Thoreau? What qualities does a swamp possess that might nurture him on levels other than the physical? Do you think that the swamp could be a symbol for something else in Thoreau's life? If so, what?
E-mail me your responses at: info@writefromthestart.net and we can get a lively little discussion going!
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THE COPYWRITER'S CORNER: Putting AIDA to Work in Your Ad Copy
AIDA is an acronym that stands for Attention, Interest, Desire, and Action. Those are the steps you need to take if you want to write effective ad copy. Here's how it works:
* Attention: Obviously you have to get your reader's attention or it won't matter how good your sales pitch is because he or she will never read it. Attention is usually gained by using headlines. These headlines should be short, crisp, and designed to get the reader curious about the topic of the message. It should be about something that your target audience has an interest in. For example, if you are targeting people who are in debt and offering a service that can help them reduce their bills, a good headline might be:
We Guarantee You Can Be Debt Free!
If you have a new nutritional supplement that is effective in helping people lose weight, a headline like this might work well:
Have Fun While Melting Fat Away
Headers are often followed by sub-headers designed to give a little more information about the product or service. Effective sub-headers for the examples above could be:
We Guarantee You Can Be Debt Free!
Eliminate the worry and pressure caused by credit card debt
Have Fun While Melting Fat Away
Look and feel fantastic as the pounds fall away
* Interest: Now that you have your readers' attention, you must get them interested in the product or service you have available. This is done by showing how your product or service addresses their problem or needs. If your target audience is people with large credit card bills, then you could talk about how your system reduces the stress of being in debt. If you were talking to people who have a weight problem, it would make sense to stress how your product can make losing weight easy and pleasurable.
* Desire: If you've done your job in the header and product copy, then your audience is curious and realizes what your product or service will do for them. Now it's time to create a desire to buy. This is usually done by offering them something such as free shipping, a 100% Guarantee, a discount, or an added bonus of some kind. It also helps to add some urgency to the message. For example, "Call within the next two hours and you will receive an additional 5% discount."
* Action: Finally, you need to tell your audience what you want them to do. Obviously you want them to purchase your product or service, so tell them. "Call Now," "Call and Ask to Speak to Mike," or "Order Online," are examples of ways to tell readers what you'd like them to do. Be sure that you have made the buying process easy as well.
Try this the next time you need to write sales copy and see if you don't get a much better response from your target audience.
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ON THE HORIZON: A Literary Feast!
On Monday, April 21st. I'll be launching another writing class called, "Writing from the Table: Writing about Food and Culture." This is a class that was inspired by the three years I spent writing a weekly restaurant column. during that time it gradually dawned on me that food is about a lot more than what we eat to fuel our bodies. It connects us to family, friends, communities, and traditions. It reflects our culture, is a measure of economic wealth and political influence, and has helped shape the histories of nations.
All this will come as no surprise to scholars. Research into the sociological, psychological, historical, and economic aspects of food and its consumption has filled academic papers for years. What has often been missing, however, is the awareness that food makes a great topic for literature. In other words writing about food can be both insightful and entertaining. Of course many of our finest food authors, such as M.F.K. Fisher, Maya Angelou, and Rick Bragg have been writing evocative, thought provoking essays about food all along, but it wasn't until recent years that food writing has begun to enjoy widespread popularity amongst the general public. It is this kind of food writing - written to entertain and educate the general reader - that this course will focus on. Here's how it will work:
The class will run for ten weeks and consist of ten lessons. One lesson will be covered per week. In each lesson we will read and discuss essays about food and work on developing the writing skills all authors need to become successful. In addition, we will be writing three food essays of our own.
By the end of the course, folks should have a solid understanding of how to write and publish essays about food, and be familiar with the work of some of the best writers working in the field.
If you think you might like to join us, or would like more information about our gastronomic adventure, e-mail me at: info@writefromthestart.net or contact Mark at: mark@writers.com. We look forward to seeing you at the table!
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THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION!
Q: I am always confused about whether to use "affect" or "effect" in a sentence. Can you tell me when each should be used?
A: Affect is a verb and effect is a noun. Use affect when you are talking about the act of influencing someone or something. For example: "The smell of the spring flowers affected her ability to concentrate in class." Use effect when you are talking about what the result of the influence was. For example: "The smell of the spring flowers had an effect on her ability to concentrate in class," or "The effect of the smell of the spring flowers was to make it hard for her to concentrate in class."
Q: Is there a rule for noun and verb agreement? What do I do about words like none, some, and all?
A: Yes, there is a rule, but this subject is a bit complicated, so I will deal with it in two parts. Look for part II in the April edition of Writing Tips and Tricks.
NOUN-VERB AGREEMENT: Part I
The rule for noun and verb agreement is:
A singular subject takes a singular verb. A plural subject takes a plural verb.
Sounds simple, right? Where most of us get confused is when there are indefinite pronouns involved (everyone, everybody, some, all, none, etc.) or phrases with plural nouns in them that separate a subject from its verb. Let's take a look at some of the common problems.
1. Indefinite pronouns such as everyone and everybody are singular and take singular verbs. For example:
- Everyone who participated in the fundraiser is happy to be finished.
- Someone has to take the initiative and talk to the manager.
2. Don't be confused by phrases containing plural words that come between a subject and its verb. For example:
- Each of the members of the board is studying one aspect of the problem.
3. The verb that accompanies pronouns such as "all" and "some" is determined by whether or not the pronoun refers to something countable. For example:
- Some of the children in the second grade have already eaten. (Children are countable)
- Some of the water is stored in the refrigerator. (Water is uncountable)
4. None is usually regarded as singular but can also be used as a plural pronoun. Therefore, either of these two sentences is correct:
- None of the dogs is suitable for the show ring.
- None of the dogs are suitable for the show ring.
5. When using fractional expressions, the verb you should use is determined by whether or not the noun is countable. For example:
- Three-quarters of the water is contaminated. (water is uncountable and so singular)
- A majority of the voting public is in favor of lowering taxes. (the public is a collective group and so considered singular)
- One-third of the elephants were moved to another zoo. (elephants are countable and so plural)
- One-fourth of all the signatures collected were illegible. (signatures are countable and so plural)
More next time on noun verb agreements.
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THE FREELANCE LIFE: Get a Contract
I recently broke a rule I'd established for myself a long time ago and agreed to work on a project for a new client without getting a contract signed first. The circumstances were what you might expect: a rush job that had to be done over the weekend; a promise of a contract on Monday morning when the client went into his office; delays in getting my invoice process; and finally a failure to pay. I did the work, the client hasn't paid, and probably won't. Another lesson learned.
While it's true that doing the work entitles you to get paid, regardless of whether or not you have a contract, without one you will have a much harder time proving how much work you did and what the agreed upon price for the work was. For that reason I want to urge you to always get a contract in hand before starting.
Many folks who are new to freelance work are so thrilled that they've been offered work that they don't think to ask for a contract. Others fear that asking for something in writing will turn the client off. My solution to this has been to write down everything that the client and I have discussed on the phone or in emails, then ask the client to look it over and sign it. That way any inadvertent misunderstandings get cleared up, and you have proof that you were contracted to do work at a particular rate. And by the way, no reputable firm that is used to working with freelancers will be surprised by your request. In fact they may even send you a contract before you think to ask.
Another reason to ask for a contract is so that the terms of the copyright are spelled out. I recently asked for a contract from a magazine that wanted me to write articles on a regular basis, and they sent me a "Work for Hire" contract. A "Work for Hire" contract means that you lose all rights to your writing and the company that hired you has the right to do anything they'd like to the copy. This includes publishing it without your name, cutting it up and rewriting it, and using all or part of it in other venues. In other words you lose all control over your work. Boy was I glad I asked.
I would also recommend becoming a member of the National Writers Union and subscribing to writers' e-zines which post warnings about problematic companies. The National Writers union will go to bat for you if there is a problem with a company, and will even help you negotiate contracts. It is well worth the yearly fee. Good writers' e-zines include:
1. Writers Weekly: publishes a warnings list each week and has more than 70,000 subscribers all of whom keep one another well-informed about unprofessional behavior by companies that employ freelancers. http://www.writersweekly.com/
2. National Writers Union: Publishes a newsletter and Alerts about companies that should be avoided as well. See "Alerts" in the left hand column of the home page. http://www.nwu.org/
3. Writing World has a section on avoiding scams and a lot of good information in general:http://www.writing-world.com/
4. Media Bistro: News from the east coast mainly, but very savvy stuff. They'll keep you posted on what's going on in the world of publishing in general. http://www.mediabistro.com/
5. Freelance Success: A bit pricey bt well worth it. The folks that subscribe are real pros and the online discussion groups are really helpful. http://www.freelancesuccess.com/
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If you'd like help clarifying your business documents, writing sparkling ad copy, or sprucing up your essays for publication, be sure to give Write from the Start a call. We can not only clear up problems in current documents, but suggest ways to improve documents before they are written. We even offer one-on-one tutoring for folks who want to improve their writing quickly. We can be reached at:
808-875-8233
or by e-mail:info@writefromthestart.net
Thanks for spending time with us.
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